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The group are split up and given icebreaker topics - what do you dream about? “Forget the topic, do you have a partner here tonight? Tim tells Dave he’s fresh from a time in his life when he was doing a lot for other people, like running university groups.He’s now focused on making an effort for himself and that involves “going to poly events”. His girlfriend’s husband is here too.“This is a new thing for us, it’s very rare that the three of us can get out together but we’re hoping to meet some new people.”“So when I started hearing about it I thought ‘I’ll talk to my husband about it’ but I didn’t know how he would take it because we had been together for such a long time.Poly people accept this within their relationships and often have more than one sexual or romantic partner at a time. we like to say that poly is about having the types of relationships that suit everyone that’s involved,” says Eliot.Tonight, there’s a mix of people trying out polyamory for the first time and others who are deep in the scene. The organisers have strung up some lanterns and laid some rugs. If you’re keen on someone by the end of the night, you tick a box next to their name and if they’re also keen on you, the organisers match you via email. I sit down to listen to Dave and Tim muddle through some chat about dreams.
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“But he is very introverted so for him it made a lot of sense that I was wanting to seek out other connections and other relationships. She also spends several nights a week at her boyfriend’s house. That said - her husband and her boyfriend are mates and they hang out without her.
He likes to spend most of his time doing music.“It’s been a year since we’ve opened and I’ve been with my boyfriend for six months. I am a lot happier, he’s happy that I am out doing what I want to do and Dave is part of our family. She came to polyamory years ago after her relationship with someone she thought was “the one” “completely fell apart”. “The pre-conception that one person can be everything for you and that one person will make you happy and one person will fulfill all your dreams and that one person can be there all the time for you and that they’re never going to need something that you can’t give them,” she says.“It seems illogical.”You might be thinking ‘life’s busy enough with one partner’. “(Jealousy) comes up and anybody who says that it never comes up really isn’t being honest with themselves.
It’s not just ‘I’m having sex with 15 people’ it’s ‘I’m having a relationship with two people - full time.’Eliot, who organised tonight, says he hopes poly people will increasingly go straight into relationships on their terms, rather than messing their way through monogamy first.“I didn’t get into it the clean way, I got into it the dirty way,” he says - referring to cheating on past partners.“That’s history now but I did hurt people and I’m not proud of that.“I think what we are trying to change about the world is to make clear the option so that when people start having relationships they understand that there is the opportunity to start out poly rather than be trapped in the monogamous narrative and be uncomfortable and be wanting to have more relationships,” he told “There will probably come a time when the polyamorous narrative will threaten the monogamous one where people will be like ‘I just want to have my one partner and be happy with them, why do I need more? But if you aren’t diving straight into poly, how do you have the conversation with your current partner?
“One of the first things to do is have lots of conversations about it.